


Motel, Motel

by FoolocracyFunForFools



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Sam crying, Voice in head
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 10:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30087717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoolocracyFunForFools/pseuds/FoolocracyFunForFools
Summary: Sam wakes up in another gross motel except things are different this time. Where's Dean and why is he tied to a chair? as his doubts and insecurities seem amplified and as he slowly starts to drown in them Dean wakes up in another motel room normal. well normal except he doesn't remember having a brother.
Relationships: sam and dean
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

Revealing his aqua blue green eyes lazily, Sam Winchester opened his eyes to stare at a ceiling. A crappy rundown, molding ceiling that could only belong to a crappy rundown molding motel _. Great_. Sam grumbled mentally perturbed as feeling returned to his weary and hurting body. Staring down he realized he was sitting in a chair not in his bed. “what the hell” Sam was livid. “Dean, Dean!!!!! If you did this to me your butt is so getting kicked!!” Sam was surprised when no deep, yet sometimes extremely annoying voice called back to him or snuck out from behind a door with his phone videoing Sam’s reaction. Sam was starting to worry now. In fact, Sam was straight out panicking.

Sam was yelling now and straining his arm muscles until they burned trying to get the ropes off him and kick his brother’s butt. After 5 minutes Sam started to give up. He stopped struggling and slumped back in the motel chair. His bangs were in his eyes and he shook his brown-haired head trying in vain to get them out of the way. Success at last Sam started to look around the room. 2 twin beds, a dresser, a door to a probably disgusting bathroom, a closet door, an old nightstand, and a tv on the far wall.

The only thing missing was his brother, Dean. He was obviously there or had been there. Deans’ bags were nowhere to be seen and Sam’s bags were lying on the bed closest to the door. _The bed closest to the door_. His dad and Dean had been taking the bed closest to the door for years. Heck Sam couldn’t remember a time when he had slept on a bed next to a door. Sam just out and started hyperventilating. Dean would never ever let him sleep by the door. So why were his bags sitting on that bed and not Deans?

Thinking about Dean Sam started to get even more nervous. “Dean would never leave me like this. Would he?” Sam was starting to have his doubts. Sure, Sam was 26, Dean 30 and Sam could take care of himself, but he would never leave him. Would he? Would Dean have left him like this? Tied up alone? Would he have gone on a hunt without him? Sam’s mind was starting to overload with questions making his brain pound a mile a minute.

Where was Dean, where was Dean, where was Dean? Sam was getting extremely nervous now. His brain started pounding harder his heart felt like it was going to explode. All Sam’s self-doubts were ripping through brain making him doubt if Dean left him because he wasn’t good enough.

The worst part of his self-doubts was that it had a voice a high-pitched childish evil voice that had the misfortune for Sam of sounding just like Dean’s voice as a child but evil sounding and vicious. Great _._

_Dean thinks your pathetic_

“No, no that’s not true.” Sam eyes were starting to get glassy as the words of loathing and self-doubt reverberated in his ears.

_That’s why he left you here yah know._

“It’s not true, it is not true.” Sam’s lungs felt on fire it was getting harder to breathe.

_He doesn’t want a stupid child like you as a partner anymore._

“Stop, stop, please, Dean does want me he told me so. He told me.” Sam was shaking his head so hard trying to in defiance make what the voice was saying go away. He shook harder and harder until even he was afraid his head was going to fly off his shoulders.

_No, he thinks you’re too weak, to pathetic._

“No, Dean thinks I’m smart. He loves me.”

_loves you? LOVES you? Hahahhahahha_

_you think he loves you? You dum-dum_

_ohhh! you poor, poor pathetic stupid child._

_He doesn’t love you. He HATES you. you hear me? he hates you._

“why does he hate me? What did I do?”

_You know what you did Sam. You were born. You were born and because of you Dean’s mother was taken. Killed, murdered, right in front of you. She died because of you. Dean lost his mother and all he was left with was a piece of trash. A worthless, ungrateful, stupid, cracked, useless little brother. You think that the look in Deans eyes when he looks at you is love? Ha its hate pure hate for what you took from him. Ohhh don’t even get me started on your father!!!!_

_Whoo it’s going to take days to cover that subject. Yet again Dean left you, so we have all the time in the world. Don’t we Sammy boy?_

Tears were forming in Sam’s eyes. He bit his lip in stupid frustration that he couldn’t even control his emotions anymore. Oh gosh how he wanted is brother right now. His big brother could always make the voice go away. Even though no one knew the voice existed. But oh, how it existed. Chattering in his ear every day every night filling his smart brain with feelings of nervousness. Making him feel unworthy all the time.

Making him think he could never be good enough. Never be smart enough, never be the brother and son he thought was expected of him. Never be the hunter he thought he was supposed to be. So, he tried harder and harder to be perfect, to aim more accurately, to learn more about the demons and monsters he was supposed to hunt. Until finally he had enough. The voice screaming at him day and night saying he was worthless had its toll.

He couldn’t sleep anymore, so he stayed up and studied. He started to talk back to the voice. That stopped rapidly when one night his Father woke up and heard him talking to none. So, he stopped talking to the voice, at least aloud. He didn’t want to get sent away to a hospital. Still the voice didn’t go away. He started getting irritable and picking fights with his dad. It got to the point that when he got accepted at the university he went willingly.

He didn’t go because he wanted to go, well maybe a little. But because he was afraid, he was cracked. That if they found out about the voice in his head, they were going to abandon him. To leave him. To desert him and then that would only confirm what the voice was telling him. That he was worthless, that they didn’t love him and that they didn’t want him.

Sam had to make the voice stop. Just to make it stop! Sam was crying in earnest now. His aqua blue-green eyes crying out all his sorrows onto the ugly green motel carpeted floor. Crying for his brother, his father and himself. Crying because he was stuck in a darkened motel room tied up and no one else around. Crying because the only sound he heard was his open weeping and the voice in ear. Crying because he wanted not to believe a word it said.

Crying for his big brother to come and hold him like he used to when he was younger and had a bad dream. How Dean would wrap his arm around his shoulder drawing Sam to his chest. How Sam would lay his weary head and red puffy eyes on Dean’s heart and feel his heartbeat lulling him back to sleep. Sam eyes were pouring his heart out in earnest now. He felt like he was never going to stop until Dean came and saved him. Dean. Just thinking him name brought a fresh wave of tears to his eyes. Opening wider the giant hole he had in his heart.

Filling his fiery, burning lungs with a deep breath of air. Sam let loose one final call for help. Begging for his big brother to come rescue him from the voice. Hoping that Dean truly did love and want him. Sam had had enough with his shameful tears; his loss of control and he couldn’t take it anymore. Ignoring the voice in his head for just the briefest of moments he raised shut his eyes and raises his head. With tears of sadness and depression washing his cheeks anew in salty tears, Sam screamed “DEANNNNNNNNN” with one big breath. 


	2. Chapter 2

Dean was foggy as he slowly came back to the land of the living. He felt awful, like dead awful. His green eyes were exhausted as he opened them. Another crappy motel, another demon hunting day. _Yay._ Dean was sick and tired of the same routine he did every single damn day. He wanted to be like someone he knew that just left the hunt. That man had the courage to leave this messed-up world behind.

“Wonder what happened to that dude?” If Dean could only remember that dudes name. Shaking his head, he shrugged it didn’t matter. He got up slowly and wished a mug full of steaming black coffee would magically appear in his hand to soothe his head. Gosh, he had a bad headache. Dean groaned glad that for once he was alone in a hotel room. He did not think his pounding head could stand someone else in the room making noise.

“Well Dad always said you want something done do it yourself.” Dean dragging his poor, tired body into a grudgingly upright position dragged his heavy limbs to the door. Moving in mind numbingly slow motion he grabbed the keys to his Baby and his jacket. He closed the peeling paint door to his motel room and turned to go to his baby, his Black Impala.

Oh man, how he loved that car. Dean sometimes thought that this must be how Captain Kirk from Star Trek felt about his ship. No one else could ever understand how much he loved that ship. Just like no one ever understood why Dean loved the Impala so much. They just didn’t understand. Shaking his head in disgust that he just compared himself to Captain Kirk, Dean opened the driver’s door gently and swung his legs in.

He let the feeling of the leather seats and the smoothness of the steering wheel overpower him like so many times before. He couldn’t help it. Every time he got in that car, damn, it took his breath away. Every time. He adjusted the rearview mirror noting that even though he felt like death warmed over he still was as handsome as ever. Winking at himself he slid the silver key into his baby’s ignition slot and turned.

Hearing his baby’s engine turn over with a growl Dean gave an almost imperceptible shiver. Damn, he always got shivers slivering down his spine when he heard that sound. Dean thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world. He could listen to that sound all the time. Smiling he recognized he kind of did, what with all the driving he did to get to the hunts.

Being in a far better mood now and feeling a little better Dean put his baby in reverse and slowly backed out of the gravel parking spot at the motel. He switched back to first and slowly started cruising out of the motel parking lot. As Dean passed rows of ugly peeling painted rooms repeatedly, he got a strange sense of leaving something behind. He tried to put his finger on it, to determine what he thought he left behind.

He stopped the car in front of one of the last rows of rooms of the motel. He checked his pockets wallet, pocketknife, cash, credit cards. Dean slammed his hand against the steering wheel in frustration. Damn, he couldn’t remember, and he knew he was missing something. Something valuable, something he wouldn’t ever be able to replace.

It ticked him off that he couldn’t remember. His good mood even worse than when he woke up Dean rubbed his now tired eyes and shifted the car from park to first, then second. He felt the hum of the engine as he gunned it and shot out of the motel parking lot. Damn, he never could function properly without his coffee first. He hoped he would remember after he had coffee because he had an awful feeling, he was making the biggest mistake of his life.

What Dean didn’t know or rather he didn’t remember is that the last the last room on the left, room 254. The room he stopped in front of to check his pockets was the room that held the answer to what he couldn’t remember. It held a man. A man who needed Dean desperately. That room, room 254, held Sam. The dude who left the hunting life but returned to it to help his big bro find their dad. The one who had the courage to walk away from the messed-up life but loved him brother too much to refuse to come back.

Dean was stopped in front of that room. Room 254 for about a minute, in that one minute if he had bothered to look up, he would have seen Sam’s jacket snagged in the door jam. But he didn’t. Dean did not look up and inevitably left his brother to the voice in Sam’s head. Left him to the mercy of the evil voice of self-doubt and unworthiness. Dean forgot Sam. Unintentionally of course but still he FOROGOT Sam. Now Sam would suffer the consequences of Deans accidental or evil induced memory loss.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me if i should continue and if you have any ideas as to how i should proceed if i do!!!  
>  i would love to know what ya'll think!!   
> if anyone would like to beta or help me with this story i would be SUPER HAPPY!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what yah think!!!


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